a candlelight memorial reflection

Many of us have been touched by the words of the 23rd Psalm ….The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want  ….

When my Father died, and again many decades later when my Mother died, I took great comfort from those words. And I suspect many of you find comfort from those words.

Marty Haugen composed a wonderful song based on Psalm 23, the chorus of which says

Shepherd me, O God,
Beyond my wants,
Beyond my fears,
From death into life.

As we gather today to remember our loved ones who have passed from this world, perhaps we can take a few moments to reflect on those words …..

I suspect that, if we are honest with ourselves, you and I would want to be somewhere else than here this afternoon.
We would want to have the person that we have lost back with us. We would want to be with them, enjoying their company again.

Being here this afternoon brings with it a sadness, one I am sure you feel right now, right here in your heart. A heavy sinking feeling.  A weight.
Death is like that.

And we don’t want to have that feeling. We don’t want to be this sad. We don’t want our losses and our sense of despair to overshadow us, as it does so easily, especially at this time of year.

Shepherd me, O God,
Beyond my wants,

When we show signs of our grief, it is not a sign of distrust in God, or a lack of faith. It is a normal human reaction to loss. We come here today because we miss them.
We feel sad.  We cry. And our tears are not just part of our sadness, they are also part of our healing.

We come here, not just with a sadness because what we want is not to be. We come also with some fear. Psychologists tell us that there are five basic fears that underlay all other fears.  These are death, injury, being out of control, rejection and shame. Our fear of death is our fear of extinction, of annihilation, of ceasing to exist. “No longer being” arouses a primary existential anxiety in all normal humans. No wonder it is number one on the list.

Do any of these fears feel familiar ?

As strange as it sounds, all of these fears are rooted in one simple fact. We exist. And rather than enter into our existence, fully, completely, in all of the dimensions of that existence – we worry and become anxious over our existence.  Will we be healthy?  Will we be loved?  Will we be respected?  Will our life have meaning? What will happen after we die? We stop living in the moments of our existence, and instead shut ourselves off from life lived fully because of our fears. Fear imprisons us, robs our peace. Fear keeps us from realizing our dreams. Fear keeps us from taking part in dreaming God’s great dream for humanity

Did you know that the most common phrase in the bible is “Be not afraid”?

Throughout scripture we hear God, and Jesus saying to us –
Don’t be troubled – don’t be afraid.
I am Real.  I am here.  It’s OK.  You are safe.
No matter where you go, I am right there with you.
No matter what you do, I am always there.
I will never leave you.
And I could never ever forget you – you mean the world to me.
How proud I am of you.
How I admire you as you face life’s struggles day by day.
How I laugh with you in joyous moments, and cry with you in sad moments.
You mean everything to me – I’d even die for you. In fact, I did.
Don’t worry. Don’t be afraid. Please – for me – don’t live your life in fear.

Shepherd me, O God,
Beyond my fears

God’s message to us is pretty clear. So, how can I move beyond my wants?   Beyond my fears? Beyond the sadness I feel right now?

Part of the struggle that we have with death is that our sense of who we are, and of what is real, is rooted in our physicality – our bodies and its experiences. And so it seems from that perspective that when the body goes, we too go. Yet all of the great religions of this world attest to the profound reality that life is not just about our physical selves. Or as a theologian once said, “we are not human beings having a spiritual experience; rather, we are spiritual beings having a human experience.
Brings about a change in perspective, doesn’t it?

Because we are so connected into this physical space, it is hard for us to conceive of being anything BUT physical. Yet what is truly real is that you, and I, even all of creation, and our loved ones who have passed from this earth, are connected spiritually.

Always have been. Always will be.

Shepherd me, O God,
From death into life.

It is in our belief in life everlasting, and in our own resurrection into this eternal life, that we can find the hope that will see us through these difficult times. It is in our belief that death does not end life, but only change it, that we can find the courage that will see us though these difficult times. And it is in our belief that our existence transcends this mortal plane, and that we will be once again with the person we love, and who loved us, that we can find peace in our hearts in these difficult times.

Our return to the God who created us, the God who loved us into existence, is a return to a place where God will indeed shepherd us, from death into life.

You and I have, deep down inside our souls, the belief that death does not end life, but only change it. It is this belief that will help you in your journey of grief. It is this belief that will bring you peace. It is this belief that has brought you here. And so today we gather together not just to remember, but to reconnect with our loved ones, spiritually.

Shepherd me, O God,
Beyond my wants,
Beyond my fears,
From death into life.

Let us pray …

We seem to give them back to you, O God, who gave them to us.
Yet, as you did not lose them in giving, so we do not lose them by their return.

Life is eternal, and love is immortal,
and death is but an horizon, and an horizon is nothing except the limit of our sight.

Lift us up, O Son of God, that we might see further;
Cleanse our eyes that we may see more clearly;
Draw us closer to yourself, that we might be nearer to our loved ones
who are with you.

Amen.