Feast of the Holy Family [2023]
The Son of God could have come to us in any way he wanted.
He could have come to us full grown and alone. Or he could have come as a child under the protection of some royal court. Instead, he chose to come to us as a baby, in the midst of the most fundamental dynamic in human life: the family.
The Holy Family, whose feast we celebrate today. Over the years I have seen a lot of Holy Family prayer cards. They usually denote a perfect picture – all well dressed, Jesus with a perfect smile, Mary with the child nurtured in her arms, and Joseph the humble and prayerful servant, supporting and protecting them. It’s a wonderful picture.
Like many of you, we have had some pictures taken of our family over the years. In all of them, we look well dressed, smiling and peaceful.
But if our family was anything like yours, you already know the stress of getting everyone dressed, of standing in front of the photographer waiting until they got the perfect shot, eyes open and smiles just right. Kids fidgeting and wanting to be somewhere else. Anywhere else.
While the picture portrait looks perfect, you and I both know we likely felt anything but peaceful, anything but stress-free and anything but holy leading up to it.
And while I like those Holy Cards with Jesus, Mary and Joseph depicted on them, I recognize that they are kind of like our Family portraits – a nice picture, but not very real.
The “real” family has its share of struggles, tensions, worries. So did the ‘real’ Holy Family.
Mary was an unmarried pregnant teenager. They were abjectly poor – so much so that they were staying in a stable to give birth. No home. No motel. No friends to take them in. Almost living on the street. Joseph was a tradesman, not a doctor or a lawyer. No university or college education. They had no condo on the waterfront, or bungalow in the better area of town. Luke’s Gospel shows us how they had to flee from oppression. They were refugees, much like many who are coming to Canada. They were strangers in a strange land, fleeing for their lives from their country of origin. Jesus’ family lived in obscurity. In tough times. Carpenters were not high income earners in their day, and Joseph had to work hard, as did Mary, to support the family, to provide meager shelter and food on the table. They lived a very ordinary family life for many, many years.
Now there’s a picture you and I can relate to.
Working hard to provide food and shelter. Trying to support a family when the world wants more and more of our time and energy. Loving our children. And disciplining them at times, too. As Jesus was fully human, I think there were times when he was going through the “Terrible Twos” that he didn’t want to go to bed. Or eat all his dinner.
To be clear, it is true that Mary was not your average Mother. And Joseph was a “just man” and the protector and foster-father of the Son of God. And Jesus was both fully divine and fully human! So in that way, this isn’t your typical family!
But their experience of life is not that different from our own, and so they really can become an example for us to follow.
There’s a message in this for you and me.
If there’s one thing that made the Holy Family different in its experience of life, it was that Jesus was the centre of their lives.
And so it calls me to reflect – has Jesus been the centre of my family life? Has Jesus been the centre of your family life?
Do we as parents take time to help our children discover the spiritual dimension of their life? Children have a natural capacity for awe and wonder and mystery. Their innocent souls are uninhibited fonts of faith, hope, and love. If we don’t cultivate and nurture the budding faith of our children, who will?
I see many parents who are doing a great job of this, they encourage their children to participate at Mass or even to serve it; they involve their children in the life of the parish; and they devote much time and effort to their spiritual development. And they take time each day to spend with their children, despite all of the pressures from the world.
But we also know others who send their children to Catholic schools to teach them how to pray but then never pray with them at home. Or have the parish prepare them for their First Confession and their First Communion but then never go to Confession themselves or Mass on Sundays.
Our kids learn by example and can see right through our hypocrisy.
If we want to emulate the Holy Family in our family, then it seems to me that we first need to focus on our own personal relationship with God, and how Jesus is central in our lives. Because we can’t give what we don’t got.
Not all families have a Mom and a Dad at home – for any number of reasons. It’s not the body count that is the most important – it is living our lives, in the situation we find ourselves in, centered on Jesus. Taking time each day to pray for support and guidance. Teaching our children to pray by having them join us in prayer at meals, yes – even at McDonalds. Praying the rosary with our kids – yes, even if the 5 year olds get up and move around. Bringing our kids with us to Mass, and bring them with us to the sacrament of Reconciliation.
If we let our kids see how Jesus is important to us in our lives, they will be more open to letting Jesus become central in their lives too.
This is why Vatican II taught us that the home is a domestic church and parents by their words and actions are the first heralds of the faith. And for me, it is the central message of this feast day.
If Jesus is the centre of our personal lives and our family life, then despite the struggles and setbacks, the stresses and surprises, our family can indeed emulate the Holy Family.
And what a wonderful Family portrait that would be!